One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
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we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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