Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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