Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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