just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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