I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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