I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just puked most of my soul out..
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
