Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
one might say we're banned from that church
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
