went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
