ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
