the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
