It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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