So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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