forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
