My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
