Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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