Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
