Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
