Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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