Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i've created a new STD.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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