Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
