I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
