Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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