God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
