So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
