He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
