tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
