I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
