You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
