standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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