She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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