Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
