it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
