i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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