4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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