They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
