That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
