matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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