return my video game
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
