i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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