No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
