Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
