My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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