There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize