chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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