I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
