Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
