There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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