So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
