Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
