YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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