I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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