your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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