Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Small penises have feelings too.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
