Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
