i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
