i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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