I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
