I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
