More tranny stories later!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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