What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
