Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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