this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
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his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
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I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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