Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
