He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
