i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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