I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I feel great
I just peed on a car
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
