Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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