I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
