I'm gonna have a badass scar
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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