I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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