Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
