And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
