I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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