Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
