Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
