Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Randomize
