I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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