my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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