I wish I only lived at night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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