I just pynch a tree in the face
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
