the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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