Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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