it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize