It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
