i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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