If i come over, it means nothing
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
