I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
