I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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