Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
