I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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